Below are the most recent 9 friends' journal entries.

Thursday, December 24th, 2009
billyduran	10:10p	Jelly Of The Month Club Last night was our office Xmas dinner. I knew already we would be getting upgraded iPhones. As it turns out, and I didn't even think of it before, you have to activate your iPhone AT the Apple store these days, so we received vouchers for the new phones and I'll have to go there in the next week or so and get my number transferred over and all that jazz. Along with the electronic gift, we usually get cash as well and this year was no different. But, honestly I was let down by what I received. Last year we got a gift card with $500 on it. I assumed that we'd be receiving the same this year. But, we received cash.... and half that amount. I really could care less about other people at other jobs who might get less or nothing at all or any of the myriad of sob stories a person might want to tell about their experiences in comparison to mine. The fact of the matter is, I've already had all those shitty jobs before where I got a $30 bonus after taxes or nothing at all but a slap and a laugh in the face. A fresh steaming plate of disappointment and regret. I've been that person, and things were supposed to be different. I don't want to hear about the economy either... seeing as we took on at least five or six new clients this year. Plus, the fact I went from 80-90 billable hours a month to over 170 each month. I've taken on half the responsibilities of that bitch at the office and the expectation level on me these days is through the roof. I didn't think it was selfish to at least expect the same bonus as last year. I was counting on that money as part of my usable income. Now I have to scrape by on scraps. As if that wasn't bad enough, after our dinner Miss Managed decided her and I needed to stay out and have more drinks because it's been "so long" since we've hung out. She must have said twenty times through the course of the evening how much she "missed" me and these "fun times". She carried on about her pathetic relationships and then urged me to talk about mine. And then, regardless of my point of view or opinion on my situations she told me that deep down inside, her and I thought exactly alike. That she "knew" me and "knew" all I am "really looking for in life is to be loved". Um... ok...medication time. The more she drank the more insistent she became about how "alike" we were and how our lives were "mostly" similar. Except that I have no concept of what the "pain of divorce" is like. And that homos are all "melodramatic" and "could have it all" if we weren't. And that we "have it so easy". And then she whined about being a woman and dealing with the prejudices that she's expected to "stay home and cook dinner" for her man. Blah blah blah blah blah... for four hours my inner voice in my head was saying something to me nonstop. And that something was "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then she talked about her time working at the Playpen, and how she really loved it and all the higher ups like the Mafioso and the airhead cunt sister of the owner who died and left the business to his daughter and the Mafioso. I met this woman a few times and there's more chance a box of rocks could solve the math question "What's 2 plus 2?" before this dumb broad could. She really admired these people and the business and it turned my stomach sitting there listening to her because that place and those people are beyond forgiveness in my mind. The entire business is immoral and most of it's dealings are illegal, questionable or otherwise covered in some layer or another of slime. And Miss Managed "loved" how she felt there. I could have spit in her face. But, like I do, I just smiled and nodded and listened to the screaming in my head while pretending I gave a shit on the outside. After her touching stories about the Playpen she went back to analyzing my love life. She kept insisting she and I were EXACTLY alike the way a crazy person would. And she even went as far as to say that if I somehow proved her wrong that we DIDN'T think the same way that she would just breakdown crying right there because it might mean she had no hope left. I didn't know how to tell her that she doesn't have any hope left and it'd be better if she just killed herself right there at the table. It gets even worse.... as if I hadn't suffered enough. After some quip or another emerged from my mouth she says to me.... and I am not making this up.... "I LOVE YOU! I miss you SO much. We NEVER hang out anymore." It blows my mind honestly. That this woman can be such a slithering slimy lying piece of shit. That she can scheme and plot behind my back at the office every day. Emailing the Boss trying to fuck me over with busy work and crying foul about everything under the sun, then giving me the silent treatment in between pretending to be sick and being who knows where besides in the office. All the bullshit this bitch has put me through and all the extra work I have been dumped into because of her and the days and night of anxiety I've endured because of her mindfucking. And she can sit there and tell me she "loves" me and "misses" some kind of friendship with me. It makes my fucking skin crawl like you cannot imagine. She is either the world's greatest scheming liar... someone who could rival Ex-Roommate and his criminal deceptive psychosis... or she is just honestly the dumbest person on the face of the planet. I didn't escape the doom until almost midnight. I had been so excited at the end of dinner about hitting the bars and starting my holiday weekend with some fun. But instead of was thrust into the bowls of hell and headed home in the freezing rain with my stomach twisting in knots with acid indigestion. My bed wasn't even any comfort and my innards churned and lurched about all night. I almost hurled twice and spent hours soaking my sheets in sweat. What a pain in the ass. Now I am at my parents. Enjoying some quiet time before bed. I probably won't get any sleep as I will have two dogs whining for my attention and my two cats getting into trouble down the hall. But, I'll take that kind of trouble for a hundred nights over having to spend one more night alone having drinks with that she-devil. Haven't I suffered enough Universe??? Why am I a condemned man? Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
billyduran	9:41a	Disaster Management I say it over and over again. These last two weeks of the year are the WORST time of year for I.T. because every idiot moron asshole suddenly has these ridiculous issues from left field that SUDDENLY and IMMEDIATELY need to be fixed. I've been in I.T. for 12 years... this happens every year. We have a client that is kith and kin to the Playpen. In fact, this particular client bought a division of the Playpen a few years back. Same scenario. The owner is this mafia Chicago fuck. The next top in line is his daughter, this airhead equestrian rich-bitch. The rest of the employees are all miserable, chain-smoking women. For months and months now I've had to redo quotes for memory upgrades and replacement workstations for them because the horse bitch claims to either not be able to find or never have received the emails with the quotes. This has gone on for almost the entire year. My Boss is a very proactive person and likes to get things taken care of BEFORE they become panicked emergencies. It's his whole philosophy in life. Well, Horse Bitch ignored the Boss's urges to fix the issues before they were serious. Now, this morning the day before the holiday she calls up here in a raging panic. "WE NEED SOMEONE TO COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!!! WE HAVE ONE MACHINE DOWN AND THREE OTHERS THAT ARE RUNNING SUPER SLOW AND I KNOW {The Boss} SAID WE NEEDED TO REPLACE THEM EARLIER BUT NOW WE REALLY DO NEED TO REPLACE THEM SO SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME HERE RIGHT NOW" And, as is typical with people like this, they expect me to feel something emotionally about their plight and get swept up in their PANIC PANIC PANIC and sense of emergency and say shit like "Yes, we'll be right there"... but I didn't. I said I'd have to talk to the Boss and someone would get back to her. All the while my brain is on FIRE with rage because I just want to corner this woman in a dark alley and beat the living shit out of her with a horseshoe. Plus, her very nature and tone only remind me of my feelings of helplessness working at the Playpen and my ultimate disgust for the people that worked there and anyone associated with them. People like that don't deserve to live. So I tell her someone will get back to her, and she continues to whine about her issues like the bitch who cried wolf. As if I am supposed to console her for her woes..... even after she consistently ignored our suggestions for months and months. Fuck you whore. I hang up, and resume the conversation I was having on the other line with my mother. I slip the F-bomb out talking to her because I am now so anxious and pissed. She relates to me a story from her job this week where she too was dealing with the relentless passive-aggressiveness of some whore manager that's making her life a living hell. And I realize that it's my family's lot in life to be miserable and yet still go to work every day and do our jobs. Doomed! Then, this crazy Horse Bitch calls back. Still in a panic. She just wants to let me know to pass along to the Boss a big, hearty "Thank YOU!" for the gift basket he sent to their company for Xmas. "Just wanted to make sure I didn't forget because I know I was running off at the mouth before asking for this and that and I didn't want him to think we ignored his gift because it was a very nice gift and a real surprise so tell him thank you please cause it was great thank you thank you" Fuck off whore. Then Miss Managed calls me, which just adds to the anxiety. As she is on the phone the Boss comes in. So he talks to her first and then comes in to talk to me and I regale him with this PANIC DRAMA from the Horse BITCH. He immediately gets pissed off for the same reasons I did initially.... because nothing ever gets done with this company unless it's a PANIC EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!! He says he'll give her a buzz, and I feel like a dick because it's like I'm pushing this thing off onto him. To which he responded, "No, not at all... I'll call her and if it turns out someone "HAS" to go over there, I'll just send {Miss Managed}." LOL! Well, is someone trying to give me an Xmas gift there or what? So to sum up, the last two weeks of the year are the WORST time to be in I.T. and if you are a dumb user out there having some PANIC issues between Dec 20th and Jan 1st ask yourself, 'Is this something that I've put off dealing with all year and now that I am fucking off doing nothing I think I'll finally call I.T. and get this fixed?' If the answer is yes, well that makes you an asshole. Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
billyduran	1:43p	Kunty the Snowbitch Apparently this morning the Boss received an email from Miss Managed. It was a forward of an E-card sent from one of our reps to her for Xmas. She forwards the email to my Boss and says to him: "I wanted to do this for all of our clients this year too, but I totally ran out of time. Do you think you could have {BillyDuran} work on this today?" The Boss responded to her that he'd already sent gift baskets (very VERY nice ones I might add) to all of our clients and working on this E-card thing would be a ridiculous waste of time. So he tells me this at lunch and the seething rage within me just hearing the statement from here almost prompted me to explode my brains out of the top of my head right there at the table. Even though he sees it as being just as stupid and cuntish as I do, he's understanding of her behavior does nothing to quell my rage. And I ask, as I always have: Why the FUCK does this bitch have to fuck with me? Why is she even NOW still trying to somehow give me work to do when she is not my manager and what I am working on, per the Boss, is NO concern of hers whatsoever. What the fuck is wrong with this bitch? I just want to take a baseball bat and turn her face into mashed potatoes. And *I* am the crazy one because I A. get justifiably angry about this stuff and B. I am able to express my anger in colorful, if not rage-filled rants. When my review comes around in March, if not sooner, I full intend to tell the Boss that I would prefer if ALL requests for assisting her cease. There's no reason for any of them. I can maintain more than a decent amount of billable time on what the Boss gives me alone. And, frankly, this cunt isn't doing barely enough work to justify needing to pass it off. I regaled to him the tale of how I was at one of our clients Friday and hit a wall with an issue early on. And I stayed there, fixed the issue and all was good. But, had she been in my shoes, she would have hit that same wall, panicked about it for ten minutes and then just went home for the day. Then somehow later would have passed it off to me to fix. How can I be so sure of that? Well, it happens once a week with the dumb bitch that's why. The Boss even said that the amount of actual work and expectation on her right now is minimal at best. And yet, even with the minimal expectation she cannot seem to produce anything more than excuses as to why things are not done. You come in here, you "work", you collect your paycheck. It's not rocket science. But for her it's some sort of personal vendetta against me. Then he tells me if he has the opportunity in the near future he is totally going to hire this guy from one of our clients as another employee here. But, as usual with anything that happens here we both laughed because Managed would flip through the craziness roof if he did that. It's pathetic... the guy has to run his company around this premenstrual bitch and her moods. And I think his partner is at the point of asking, "Why is she even working here?" She can stay here. I don't give a crap one way or the other. The only thing I want is for me and my work to be completely separate and independent of her. I don't want to be asked directly or INDIRECTLY by her to do ANY of her work. I don't think I've seen the bitch produce result 1 on any project quite literally in the past 12 months. It shouldn't matter to me, but some days it's hard for me to come in here with the heap of expectations on my shoulders and be able to focus knowing this bitch is probably collecting a paycheck 20 or 30 grand more than me. I just have to hold out till March. I know I can count on my Boss giving me the raise I deserve for my work. I just really wish he would take my increase out of HER paycheck. Current Mood: annoyed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
billyduran	11:35a	White Devil I picked up a new book over the weekend even though I am barely a quarter way finished with another I've had on my bookshelf for two years. Oh well. So I moved on from the Greco-Persian Wars to an interesting collection of writings called Native American Testimony: A Chronicle of Indian-White Relations. I'm only 50 pages into the book so far, but it's highly compelling. A fascinating take from the natives perspective... in their own words for the most part. One thing seems to ring true... the whites have been money-grubbing, murdering exploiters since they set foot on this continent. I stand by all earlier statements that there should be no pride for a country that was founded on the blood of it's original inhabitants. But, no one really gives a fuck do they. Whatever. I had some irritation attempting to find books on the subject matter Sunday when I was at Borders Xmas shopping for my sister. I was upstairs looking for literally 20 minutes for ANY book on Native American history as I'd given up attempting to find an actual 'section' 5 minutes in. I ended up discovering the two shelves of books tucked away in a bottom corner beneath the Political Science and Law section. I would really like to question why it is these books were not in the early U.S. history section... or World History possibly. It fits in though with the kinda of brush over ignorance of the subject matter I remember receiving as a kid in school. I think aside from Catholicism, History class was the most upsetting lie to be revealed to me in later life when I was old enough to think and discover things for myself. Is it too much to ask for the truth? Honestly. Essentially, it almost seems like the general idea is that the Native Americans are considered more of a legal "issue" than a society. They may be considered 'human' now unlike ages ago, but would acknowledging more just point a bigger finger back at the U.S.? I don't even know why I care so much about the subject. I just do. It really affects me morally to think about it. The same way some people think of the Holocaust. I don't see any difference between the U.S. and it's dealings with the Natives and what Hitler did to the Jews and the other peoples during WWII. I see no difference whatsoever. Except in the end, Hitler is despised and the U.S. sits in glory of itself. It makes no sense to me. I try wrapping my brain around it and I can't. No justification can forgive what happened. And yet, it's basically forgotten. Mention Hitler and everyone lashes out about the murderous pig. Seems pretty easy to understand how the Germans allowed what happened to happened... after all, they were only following in the footsteps of the United States. I could stew on and on about it, but it's the same old stuff that's already been said. And I'm sure I'll say it again and again the further into the book I get. I'm only just reading about the Natives first MEETING the whites. I've barely touched the surface of the genocide. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 20th, 2009
billyduran	9:45p	More treachery More potential evidence of James Horner's piracy... compare the opening 30 seconds of each of these. A little too close for my comfort there. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
billyduran	9:31p	Music of My Heart I do have to say, the one disappointment about Avatar is the soundtrack. A movie that has invoked this much emotion in me usually has a soundtrack I'll adore no matter what. But as always seems to be the case with James Horner, he didn't really create anything new... he butchered his other soundtracks to create this one. The tracks are rife with chords from his soundtrack to that horrible movie Troy. But alas, even if the movie was horrible stained by bad actors and cliche I still listen to the soundtrack quite often because it is one of the few that embodies that ancient time period I so enjoy. However, it's hard to find a sense of the 'world' of Avatar when I am hearing the same exact sounds associated with the beaches of Troy. There's a slight Titanic tone to the music too, though I've not paid as much attention to it. As well as a few lines of music that almost sound like they were ripped from the opening music of Band of Brothers. Not to mention the very "Lion King" feeling to the vocals in the score. What makes it even more frustrating as someone who enjoys movie scores, I have seen several articles out there about how Horner says he focused diligently on the writing of this music for months. If that is the case it is a sad commentary on his lack of talent. At least when he stole pieces from the soundtrack of Wrath of Khan to make music for Aliens his excuse was valid. He had no time to produce anything new. But, he's had eons in comparison to create the music for this new film and he's barely created anything new at all. It's a true disappointment. I'm glad I didn't pay for the soundtrack. Someone even put a comparison out on YouTube of his Khan/Aliens thing Current Mood: annoyed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 18th, 2009
billyduran	10:56p	Only then will you find money cannot be eaten. I just got in from seeing Avatar. I wanted to hate the movie and went in more cynical than most could. I'd heard all about its "green" message and its political undertones. I figured it would be another pile of Hollywood flotsam stirring up the people to care about some issue for ten minutes because it's trendy. In some respects, I think it was like that. However, I was completely blown away by the experience. We saw it in 3D which was phenomenal. I haven't seen any of the new movies that have come out in that format yet and it was pretty cool. As far as the film itself, it did follow along certain cliches. But, at least it was visually interesting enough to forgive the commonalities of those parts because you're swimming so deeply in the sensory experience. I wanted to hate the inundation of CGI... I am getting so sick of CGI. But, it went beyond it simply being that... as this whole other world really could not have been done any other way. And the 3D only amplified the seeming reality of it. Emotionally, the movie was really affecting for me because of the basis of the material. I did not draw conclusions to any wars in the Mideast. Nor did I feel sorry for the dying polar bears and want to suddenly stand behind the obtrusively malignant Al Gore. The storyline for me hearkened back to the dark history of the Native Americans and their powerless struggle against the white invaders. It made me all at once sad and furious that most people in the theater either would not get that message or would take it in one side of their brains and spew it out the other. Halfway through the film I was weeping. At first for the atrocities committed against the aliens in the film juxtaposed with my memories of reading material on the Native American genocides. But, then towards the climax I wept because of the horror of war itself and the reality of human nature... which is to destroy. I don't find it to be a concept for debate and left to the interpretation of history. We as a species are repellent and barely forgivable. We can justify anything in our minds even as it stands unjustifiable by the ways of nature and in the face of God. My ancestors were not even in this country until 100 years ago, but I feel the stingy guilt on my hands in the recesses of my brain for the blood and bones this despicable country was founded on. But such is the way of men. Because long before the mighty United States took the reigns as the ultimate world power, societies and civilizations through history have bloodied and butchered one another for resources, power, status and revenge. One cannot feel guilt about one instance when all instances are to blame. From the moment human beings gathered in groups there has been bloodshed. We have been broken from the start. And I know of many people who can rationalize it, or ignore it. My Boss is one of them who often states that because the U.S. has the means it should intervene in other countries affairs to bring "justice" when there is "injustice" or "peace" when there is the potential for something worse. Equally I have been chastised time and again by people with their stock answers of "move somewhere else if you don't like it". Or others who say the numbers are exaggerated about the cost in blood it took to get us where we are. Or even those who would say that I would not even exist had those things not all played out. And I have asked myself before... would I chose not to exist if it meant that some or all of the atrocities could somehow be undone. Could a human being consciously choose to give up their existence to allow the indeterminate existences of a million lost souls to have their chance again to play out their roles. But perhaps in what has happened their roles were fulfilled for some higher purpose we cannot know or do not want to see. Sometimes I hate for the sake of hating. I instigate for the sake of reaction. Sometimes on nights not unlike Wednesday the ugly surface of my personality shines through and people pigeon-hole me for being a miserable wreck of a human being. And like Wednesday, most of the time I am fine with that because I know the roots run deeper than I can even attempt to explain. People love to rally behind human ingenuity and inquisitively seek out a greater purpose for our existence here. They put no limits on what the quest takes and make concerns of the consequences into trends that celebrities and middle-class dregs alike follow along with blindly. Like waves on the ocean. They seek to know why we exist. But I've gone beyond asking why, and ask 'why should we?'. I do not say that makes me better than them. It could make me worse because I am challenging the purpose of our creation itself. And that has to be offense to the deity I believe it. The movie expressed an opinion I have had for a long time; that everything in nature is in harmony. Not by random chance, but for a purpose. It's something many of the Native American cultures believed in as well. Everything is connected to everything in an unfathomable web, from the smallest microbes to the largest organisms. There is no need for politics or wars or currency or society. There is simply existence and harmony. But, as human beings we are disconnected from that harmony. At least for the time being. Countless have rejected it and in turn nature rejects us. It is not hard for me to feel that the ice has every right to melt and that the super structures of the obnoxious coastal cities need to be swallowed by the sea... because it is what we have coming to us. And the plains are justified to dry up and turn to desert and dust and dehydrate the life from the surface, because men have felt empowered to rape at their wills and take until nothing is left to harvest and the dirt itself is dead. I hate them because they cannot see what they are doing, unless there is a profit to be made by it. No one is concerned about the outcome unless a celebrity urges concern. Unless concern can be made into a fashionable bracelet or a donation that can be talked about at dinner parties. As long as concern doesn't affect the level of luxury the individual has become accustomed to. Because it's a goddamned American right to live life to the fullest at any expense. This is what patriots fight wars for and shoot people for. This is "freedom". Freedom in this society at this time in history until ours dies and another rises and continues on the cycle of destruction until it is broken. And I do not believe it is in the human capacity to break that cycle. No Al Gore of the present or future will ever make the changes necessary. Society is a speeding train with no brakes bidding it's time until it gets to the ravine where the bridge is out. I am terrified of the outcome. I live in apathy and condone the raping and participate in it. I have the guilt on me. I wear the mark of this beast just like everyone else. I cannot even justify what I am by saying there is no other way to live right now. I am a coward who wouldn't forgo my earthly possessions to live in the mountains somewhere. Then again, not even the mountains are free to live in are they.... because even nature is owned by men in our present. We are a blight, a stain on the face of the Earth. We know only murder and destruction. I can't sit in a three hour movie and think that it's only fantasy and the destruction is only Hollywood and CGI. I know it's real, that it has happened before and the lesson is too complex for most people to compute. Most idiots will probably buy reusable grocery bags and think they are saving the rain forests... and that'll be their part and all they'll do. What else can they do really. What can anyone do but wait for the countdown to reach it's end. Would I choose not to exist if it meant somehow breaking the cycle? I would like to believe I have the passion and integrity to say yes. But, right now I have the power to change nothing, and someday in the future the choice will be made with or without my consent. I only have my anger now and it's all I can hold onto to maintain my illusion that I am somehow different from the rest. "And while I stood there I saw more than I can tell, and I understood more than I saw; for I was seeing in a sacred manner the shapes of things in the spirit, and the shape of all shapes as they must live together like one being." Current Mood: uncomfortable (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
billyduran	2:31p	Festivus Way back when, at my old, horrible job the Playpen we would send out an email forward thing around to a few of the sane people in our click this time of year celebrating "Festivus" (from that Seinfeld ep). We'd list grievances and then say a feat of strength we would be performing. I left there in January of 2007. I was replaced almost immediately by this straight, ex-Marine kid who is around 30 I think. He was welcomed with open arms there at first. Being ex-military the Mafioso jizzed in his pants about bringing the kid on. Everything was just "wonderful". Well, almost three years have passed and all the wonder and glory and sanity are gone now and that kid is reaping the same Hell on Earth I did when I worked there. He sent out his Festivus email today and it's almost uncomfortable for me to read. It all at once reminds me of the pain I suffered in that job as well as the horror that it really wasn't "me". All the shit that happened there and the depths to which I sank were exactly the reaction of any sane person in that situation it seems. And it makes me angry to think all those evil people still exist and are still getting away with murder. I almost want to fall on my knees, weep and thank the maker that I got out of there. Lest I be eaten alive and driven to homicide. ( His email ) I guess I could say to anyone that every thought I was overreacting about how bad it was there... SUCK IT! It's reeeeaaaalllll! I really feel like I could have written that. Especially the part where he swears "to Allah". Funny thing, this kid doesn't even know me and aside from saying hello once we never spoke. Is it demon possession? Current Mood: uncomfortable (6 Comments |Comment on this)
billyduran	9:19a	You used to say, "live and let live". You know you did. Here I thought my mood had been improving lately but I was told otherwise last night. We went to the holiday party at Sidetrack, had about six drinks in two hours... ugh. So we were having an okay time. Ended up bumping into this kid I knew from years ago. He'd always avoided any attempt I made at hanging out when we came across each other on Facebook and I just figured we didn't have anything in common worth pursuing. But, he was all buddy-buddy with me. Telling me we needed to hang out more often. That he misses the old days (even though back then the only reason we hung out was because we had all the mutual friends). I don't think he even realizes that I deleted him from Facebook months ago (scandal!). Anyway, he was with two friends that we ended up talking to. At some point Rockwell and Constituent both left and I was alone with these guys and suddenly being picked apart. The shorter one told me no less than four times that I was "so attractive" and yada yada yada "BUT" that my attitude just made me ugly. And somehow he knew that I had "so much potential" that was being wasted on bitterness. This is all of course reliable observation because he also pointed out several times that he was a lawyer. The other guy was taller and cooler. He seemed more interested in debating points than telling me how I should be, which I enjoyed. I really didn't intend on coming across as the angry, resentful bitch initially. And yes, I guess it kinda bugged me a little that I did. But it's fine, I'm not going to cry alone in my bedroom about it. It's just another indication to me that I need to make some more changes than what I've already tried.... The little guy would pose these questions to me and then get angry with my responses because I was "so bitter" then would tell me I was "bringing" him "down" and walk away in dramatics, only to return and try again to force me to see the world through his sparkly, rose-tinted glasses. At one point during one of his huffs I asked him why he was letting me affect his "good time" so much... that if he was a lawyer he should be able to remove his emotions from the situation and deal with it. Snap! He huffed more with that. They both seemed to be coming from the perspective that I needed to present myself as a super-happy gay because I needed to attract boyfriends and husbands. Another clear indication these guys and I were from two different planets. Bottom line, I'm not saying they weren't right with some of their points. But as is always the case when you meet new people, you have no idea of the history that is there. I'd answer some of their questions with honest answers, they'd interpret it as bullshit lines. And I can bullshit and antagonize and instigate with the best of them, but even the true answers didn't seem enough to satisfy. And really, I don't really think I'm much for getting life advice from people anymore than people like getting it from me. Live and let live... or die. The whole circus ended when the midget had one final big huff that I was "ruining" his evening and I just kinda said I was going to leave them be and grab my coat. Leaving them to stand there and comment on what a miserable bastard I am apparently. Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)