Below are the most recent 4 friends' journal entries.

Friday, July 10th, 2009
billyduran	11:22a	Eggshells Miss Managed has been whack-a-doo all day. Mainly because she actually has some work to do. Shocker there. And it's work for the time being she can't push off on anyone else. She'll probably do that in about a week after a lot of floundering and flaying. My issue is that I had to do some research on installing two Symantec products on one server, as well as upgrading from an old old version of Antivirus to a new version of Endpoint Protection. I've got all the details and links and notes on it in a nice email ready to go... ready for the past hour now. The problem? Well, the minute I send the email it'll throw the dumb bitch into an unnecessary panic. Not because it's complicated but because I've provided all the answers she'll have no reason to delay the project any longer than she already has on her own. It's her and I alone in the office today, the tension has already been high from her over-acting and need for attention and my ignoring her attempts to get my attention. If she gets the email right now, she'll have a million fucking questions to ask (all of which are answered in the email but she won't read it). Then she may even try pigeon-holing me into doing the upgrade for her somehow by playing dumb like she does so well. At least if the Boss was here, he could maintain some control over the broad and make sure she's actually earning her paycheck. This kind of stress is so unnecessary. I should be able to just send a fucking email when an email needs to be sent. But, instead I am wasting an hour and a ton of mental energy, swamped in anxiety over how sending this email will essentially ruin my day. I could send two dozen emails when she's not in the office and never get any responses. But, when she's here putting on her big show I am sitting at my desk with a big target on me.... and she's just waiting to start shooting and take out her pathetic issues on me because she doesn't have a husband at home to make miserable. Ugh! Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
billyduran	10:39a	Chugging along.... Summer is half over. What's been happening.... Work is becoming more and more of a major responsibility, and though I still despise The Man and working in general, I accept the inevitable and endure. My Boss is entrusting me with more and more around here, and Miss Managed seems to be doing less and less. She was tolerable for a few weeks there in June but is back to her antics again. I've been more curt with her than in the past, because I know for a fact now she's just a helpless idiot that couldn't think her way out of a T-Shirt. She continually tries to challenge me on things and only makes herself look like an idiot in the end. We have taken on several new clients and the Boss is positioning me so that three of them are specifically "my" clients. It sounds nice on paper, but I feel the weight and annoyance of responsibility. As it is, there are weeks when I am literally working non-stop Monday through Friday. Working late, working at home, up early working, going out to here or there and back again. Work work work! I know I'll be rewarded for my efforts, but when it takes 365 days to get to the next raise and I have that dumb bitch hen-pecking me at every turn it makes the efforts seem in vain. Outside of work my month of June was essentially consumed preparing for the annual Pride party I have. I am not a dirty person, but my apartment is never up to the level of cleanliness my obsessive-compulsive mother taught me about as a child. I had to move every piece of furniture, every book, every pillow and make sure it was all cleaned. On top of that, I tried to re-do my back porch in the same fashion as my previous apartment with the thatch/reed roofing and paper lanterns, plants etc etc... Trouble is I am fighting the forces of nature back there. There is a gutter issue up top that causes a veritable waterfall when it rains, which it has done in excess in Chicago since the spring. So the roofing I put up on top of the porch was collecting water, bulging, leaking... it was a whole mess. In the past I think I would have obsessed and freaked about it to the point of nausea. I did get pissed about it, but for whatever reason I had too much to do to worry about it. In the end, it looked fine for the party. The party itself was a success to say the least. I had 30 people RSVP and I think there were as many as 50 people who actually showed. I spent the bulk of the party filling drinks and answering the door, but alas that is what a host does. And several people complimented me on that skill and the party over all. In fact, one of Rockwell's friends who hadn't even been on the guest list showed up and said he was hearing about my party from three blocks away. Sweet! I started the day at 6:30. First guests arrived around 9:30 A.M. and I eventually had to kick the last group out at 10:15 because I was physically exhausted. It took me over a week to rest up enough to feel somewhat recovered. In the wake of all my crazy running around I somehow also managed to lose 15 pounds. I had been up in the mid 190's at the beginning of June. It looked like another long, hot, fat summer. But, I weighed myself last week after noticing in the mirror I looked a little less flubby. Sure enough I was down to 183. I've been attempting to maintain the good results by starting up my running again. Last night's run left me especially wiped out... no pain no gain. I can tell I am not the spring chicken I was when I would go out running at 28-29. My knees are definitely the knees of a 30-something. Ouch! My only major issue at home right now is that I have four cats. My two plus I am watching Belding's two. Aside from two of them always going at battle with each other, the other of his seems intent on constantly pawing at me in bed. All Night Long. It's gotten to the point where I am shoving all cats off the bed and may soon be locking them out of the bedroom at night because the sleep deprivation is making me loopy. I know they're just animals and they don't know what they are doing, but I've had it with the unruliness. A week ago I had one of my palm plants knocked over... the pot smashed into the ground and shot dirt all over the living room. After I'd already spent weeks telling the little fucker NOT to eat the damn thing. My screens are also getting tore up as well. I realize animals can be destructive if they are not getting enough attention, but I am one person and I'm working insane hours. When I come home I am exhausted and I just can't give enough attention to all four animals. It's too big a task for me. I am glad I stopped at two cats and did not give into my urges for a third because it would just be too much. Not to mention the litter boxes and the amount of waste four cats make. It's horrible. We're talking two or three pounds of it a day. And if I dare leave the boxes un-scooped for more than 24 hours they shit and piss start appearing all over the floor. It's truly a thankless job. My neighbor issues are still the same. The kids on 2 are the loudest walking assholes, and I think the douchbag boyfriend moved in up there. So it's now three hard walkers. The plaster on my ceiling in the living room, that had been cracked before is about to fall off now from them. But, in good news the couple on three with the dogs that piss and shit everywhere are moving out. They are due to be out by August 1st. Very good news. Of course, no one has rented the place yet and the sign has been out there for over two months. I hope to goodness it's a gay person of some kind. No women and no straight people please!!!! Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Monday, July 6th, 2009
billyduran	9:05a	Romeo & Julie's Cunt What is there to say when it's the same crap week after week. Well, that's not totally true. For a while there Miss Managed was almost tolerable. She had gotten on a new kick about a month ago that she was 'suffering from depression'. She made sure to tell both the Boss and I at different points all about how she was crying all the time for no reason, blah blah blah... I didn't really give a crap (nor did he) but because she was suddenly going to try therapy I think she thought it made us 'buds'. I thought she was full of high-grade horse shit. But, I digress. So for a few weeks there she was still slightly psycho but tolerable. Then I made a big mistake. I dared to take the Monday after Pride off. Not only that, but I had the audacity to ask her to do the morning checks on our client servers that whole weekend. How dare I!!!!!! How selfishly inconceivable of me!!!!! I didn't even remember right off that my taking days off is a psychotic trigger for her. In the past it took a lot of convincing of people to make them believe me that anytime I have a vacation day she turns on me like a rabid dog. I didn't believe it myself at first. I thought for sure I was just doing what I do, which is blow things out of proportion. But, it IS true. And even the Boss sees it now. And sure enough last week she started acting whacko on Thursday when the three of us were supposed to work late together. The Boss and I were at the client, and she began having all of her usual "mysterious issues". Problems that seem to plague her, yet no one else seems to have (cause we have brains). Then Friday, to coincide with her other reaction to my taking a vacation day, she mysteriously needs to take a personal day. Or should I say, 'half day'... though she was not heard from for the entire day. Also earlier in the week she needed me to write up a detailed list of how I check all the servers (even though she's done it for me recently in the past AND it used to be her job. So she already knows. Little games. The first morning she sent out her status email on Saturday, it was this massive, detailed diatribe. As the days moved on she would give less and less detail comically. Then on Monday, the day I was off she took it upon herself to take care of one of my weekly tasks that I had no asked her to do, which was check the Antivirus status of all out clients servers and their client managers on said servers. When the email came through it was this novella pointing out all these issues she'd found, as if she was trying to 'catch' me doing something wrong or what not. I thought maybe the Boss asked her to do it in my absence, so I tried to let it slide. I get back on Tuesday and everything seems fine. Wednesday was another story. A client had issues two days in a row (Friday night when I was not checking the servers, and Monday night which I checked on Tuesday morning). Both those days the client forgot to put the backup tape media into the drive for the backup to run. The Tuesday night backup failed Wednesday, as I emailed, due to the tape drive being dirty or the tape itself being bad. I emailed this in my status update. Then the bullshit began. She immediately began asking me if I could "look into" this issue and find out as much as I could blah blah blah... "if you have time... let me know". Mind you, the only real thing to try first was to run the cleaning tape through. But, she was fixated on the issue from the two failed days prior and said that the contact there said he DID put the backup tapes in (which had nothing to do with Tuesday night's issue). So, I looked through all the error logs and the messages and picked through the server with a fine-toothed comb before responding back because I knew she was playing one of her games (the Boss was CC'ed on the whole mess). So I wrote back, said all the error messages point to the cleaning tape needing to be run. And that regardless of what the client said, both the backup software and Windows itself say there was no tape in the drive on either of the two other days. Period. Computers don't lie, only people do. The guy she was talking to was not the regular guy who puts the tapes in so it was obvious that for those two days, the backups failed because there was no tape in there. Period. This threw her into a huge tizzy, and she wrote back that 'the customer is always right' and that we need to look into this issue further. I had offered in my previous email to go to the client and run the cleaning tape myself. She contested my suggesting that and said she would 'deal with it with someone on-sight'. Then she asks me "Is everything ok?" Um, FUCK YOU!!!!!! So I tell her everything is fine, but I don't agree with her analysis of the situation. And if she'd please tell me if I missed something. CUNT!!! Eventually, she ended up going to the client because whatever over-the-phone support she tried didn't work. She never said a word again about what she did when she was there, but magically the job worked the next day. Must be magical when you run the cleaning tape. THEN, the next day she's emailing and said she is going out of town for the weekend and off that day (Thursday). ?!?!?!?!!?!? Why is she always taking days off when I do? Does she feel she is missing out on something? Is she trying to 'show me'? I don't understand!!!!! The Boss and I talk Thursday morning, and he is 100% on board with me that she is a fucking psychotic, that she always fucks with me when I take days off and that the incident with the backup was a complete waste of time and she only did it because she was trying to rattle my cage and that she apparently has nothing to do. He said going forward, even though per my review I am only supposed to take orders from him as it is, he is going to push it a step further and say that she is not under any circumstances to ask me to do anything for her anymore period. Because she only insists on doing that to try and challenge me, not because she's concerned about fixing whatever the issue is. So I head into the office this morning and I am nauseous at the thought of seeing this cunt and I am praying that she died in a horrible car wreck over the weekend. She responds to my morning email about the client servers with a "GREAT! See you at the office".. so I know she's about to lay it on thick. Then when I get here she's all sunshine and roses, "How was your weekend!??!?!!" I give her a one word response, ask her how hers was without even looking at her and give a "good" to her answer as if I fucking care. She immediately knows I'm pissed so she clams up and leaves the room. She was out in the kitchen a moment ago whispering to the Boss. She keeps trying to make little conversation with me. And she's got her ears open wide right now to hear me typing at my desk here. No doubt wondering what it is I'm working on. Apparently because she is not a PMS'ing cunt today, we are supposed to be old friends. I have interest in only one thing in regards to her. And that is doing the dance of joy on top of her fucking coffin! Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
lfkbear	5:55p	Is it over yet? June has been a horrible month... at least, for me. First, I had an intense, adverse reaction to abruptly coming off my anti-depressants. It was stupid of me to stop taking them the way I did. But I didn't think they were working, and the $40 per prescription was money better spent elsewhere. After six weeks, I thought I was in the clear. Then one night, I crashed. It was severe and scary, and it started a month-long journey back to normal that still has me feeling a bit wobbly. Then there were unexpected financial issues that are better left undetailed here. I'm still ironing those out, but I think (and pray) that I have it all under control. Time will tell. I'm still trying to figure out how it can be that I'm making more money now than I ever have in my life, but I'm also more broke than I've ever been in my life. In the midst of all of this, I had to put together a week-long "history of gays in music" special for my show. I had terrific help in the leg work, thank goodness. But the pressure for it to be extra-good was ALL on me. I think we pulled it off. But who knows? After all, for every positive word, there's one that's negative. I still have a live edition of my Sunday afternoon music show to do tomorrow, and then I'll be done with pride season for another year. Then, there is my 46th birthday in a couple days. 46. Yikes. I've always loved the notion of getting older and maturing into a better version of my younger self. But this birthday is hard. For all of the beautiful things I have in my life, I'm still struggling with and for others. It feels harder than ever to keep pushing right now. I feel exhausted and a little broken down. Things will get better. At the core of my life, I have the most amazing man in my partner. He has been a bona fide saint. He gives me endless love and hope when I feel empty. He is the best. My radio co-hort Keith has also been a good and true friend. Plus, I get to do work that I love... even though I'm grateful that it'll be a little while before I have to trace the coming out of another recording artist. :) I'm just hoping that July is a little calmer! (18 Comments |Comment on this)